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For Conflict Resolution - Switch Your Focus

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When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then, you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective. We think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Any time there’s a conflict, somebody got his feelings hurt. Somebody felt abused. Somebody felt slighted. It’s not the ideas that cause the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea. Hurt people hurt people. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out. If you want to connect with people, you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesman, you don’t start with your pro...
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The First Key Step Toward Resolving Conflict

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One of the most important life skills that you have to learn is conflict resolution. If you don’t, you’re going to spend a lot of your life miserable, because we’re imperfect people, and we have conflict almost every day of our lives. If you want to resolve conflict, you’re going to have to make the first move. That means you’re going to have to ask for God’s help, because it takes courage to approach someone you are in conflict with and tell that person you want to sit down and work it out. Then, you don’t start with what the other person has done wrong. You don’t start with a bunch of accusations or ways that you’ve been hurt. You start with what’s your fault. The conflict may be 99.99 percent their fault. But you can always find something to confess! Maybe it was your poor response, even if it came out of defensiveness. Maybe it was your attitude. Maybe it was the way you walked away. You have weaknesses in your life that others see clearly but you’ve never seen. Those ar...
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Six Ways to Maintain Integrity

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Integrity demands that every area of your life is treated with the same intensity. You have the same commitment to excellence in your marriage as you do in your career. You have the same commitment to excellence in ministry as you do in your parenting. Let me give you six ways you can work this week to become a person of integrity. You become a person of integrity by … 1) Keeping your promises.  People of integrity keep their word. If they say they’ll do it, they do it. If they say they’ll be there, they show up. The Bible says in Proverbs 25:14, “People who promise things that they never give are like clouds and wind that bring no rain” (TEV). 2) Paying your bills.  You may not think this is a big deal, but it’s a big deal to God. Do you spend more money than you make? That is a lack of integrity. Do you get yourself in debt for things that you can’t pay off? That is a lack of integrity. Psalm 37:21 says, “The wicked borrow and never pay back.” 3) Refusing to go...
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Take the First Step to Integrity

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It may be tough for you to read a message about integrity, because you’re replaying in your mind all the times you’ve fallen short, all the opportunities you had to show integrity and didn’t, all the moral failures in your life. We could all make a similar list of failures. St. Augustine said that the confession of bad works is the beginning of good works. If you are serious about becoming a man or woman of integrity, the first step is to admit that you haven’t had integrity. You just admit that you don’t always keep your promises. You often gossip, and you like it. Sometimes you slack off at work. You pretend to be someone you’re not. Just admit it all to God! A lot of people segment their lives and think they can live with integrity when they are harboring sin in one area of life as long as it doesn’t affect the other areas. I call this the Titanic myth. The Titanic was supposed to be the first unsinkable ship because it was the first ship to segment and compartmentalize the...
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What It Takes to Keep It Real

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In a world that is absolutely obsessed with appearance and image, how in the world do you keep it real when everybody else is faking it? They don’t have integrity. They’re scooting by and they’re skimming and they’re cheating. They’re not keeping their promises. How do you keep it real? There’s only one way. You’ve got to care more about God’s approval than the approval of other people. That’s the only way you’ll ever become a man or woman of integrity. Because if you care about what God thinks, then you’re going to do the right thing. If you care more about what other people think, you’re often going to do the wrong thing. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to Your Word” ( NIV). The only way you’re going to know what God approves of and what He thinks of you is by reading the Bible. You must stay in God’s Word! If you don’t, you will not have the strength and the stamina to live with integrity. If I don’t have a dail...
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How Integrity Blesses You

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The Bible says that God blesses those who have integrity (Matthew 5:8). So what are the blessings you can expect when you live your life with authenticity and a pure heart? 1) Personal Confidence When you have integrity, you become the kind of person that other people like to be around because you know who you are and where you’re going. Proverbs 10:9 says,  “People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed”  (NLT, second edition). When you don’t have integrity, it’s like walking on an icy path after a snowstorm. You’re putting every bit of your energy into trying not to fall. When you have integrity, you’re standing on solid ground. 2) A Lasting Legacy Your greatest legacy is your integrity, because it will last from generation to generation. Everything else that you do gets lost. When you’re gone, your money will be divided among your family, and it’s going to be spent. Your work will be given to somebody else. All the trop...
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Integrity - What You Are When You’re Alone With God

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The Bible says in Matthew 5:8, “God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God” (NLT, second edition). To “see God” means to experience the presence of God. Believers who have a pure heart get to feel the power of God. They get to know the purpose of God for their lives. They get to live in the peace of God. They experience the pardon of God. Do you want to be one of those people? We don’t talk a lot these days about being pure in heart, but we do use the word “integrity.” To have integrity does not mean you are perfect, because if it did, none of us would have it! So what does it mean to have integrity? 1) Integrity is wholeness. A lot of people think of their life like a pie, and the different parts of their life are the pieces of the pie. This slice of the pie is my career. This is my work life. This is my spiritual life. Then this is my family life. That one is my social life. Then over here is my secret life — my compulsions, addictions, and the things...
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