Love Drives Out the Fear in Your Relationships



When people say “I hate you!” in relationships, it’s often a sign that somebody’s trying to control somebody else. What’s beneath that control? It’s fear. Insecurity causes us to try to control others or resist the control of others. When you’re so insecure that all you think about is what others think of you, it destroys your relationships and disables your life.

It’s an amazing dilemma we have as human beings: We long to be close, but we also fear being close. We long to have intimacy with others, but we’re also scared to death of it.

Insecurity prevents intimacy and destroys your relationships. You can’t get close to somebody if there’s fear in the relationship. If insecurity destroys relationships, then what builds them? Love! Love builds relationships.

The Bible says in 1 John 4:18, “Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it … shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (NLT, second edition). How does that work? How does love expel all fear?

Love takes the focus off of you and puts the focus on others. People ask me a lot of times, “Do you ever get nervous when you’re talking to a lot of people at Saddleback?” The answer is, “Of course!” But you know what makes the difference? I get the focus off of me and focus on the people in front of me instead. If I stood there thinking about what they thought of my hairstyle, I would have something to be afraid of, right? But the minute I start thinking about how much I love my church family and how we serve God together, all of a sudden the fear is gone.

It’s the same in any relationship. Focusing on the other person gives you the power to throw fear out of your life.

So how do you find that power to focus on other people? You realize how much God loves you. The moment you begin to understand how much God loves you, you don’t have to prove yourself any more. You don’t have to spend your life trying to impress other people, because you already know that God loves you.

Do you know how freeing and enjoyable it is to live life that way? Your identity and self-worth are not caught up in what others might think of you. When you’re secure in your relationship to Christ, you’re no longer pressured by everybody else’s expectations. God’s love frees you to love others fearlessly.

Talk It Over
  • What insecurities or fears keep you from opening your life and heart to someone, whether it’s a friend, spouse, or family member?
  • How does our culture help keep us insecure in our relationships?
  • What do you think God believes about you? What does he see when He looks at you?
~ Written by: Rick Warren ~
~ Modified by: Oleg Fabyanchuk ~


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Obedience Without Anxiety

Image
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT) If you feel overwhelmed or confused about a decision that you’re trying to make, you’re probably caught up in yourself and not God’s voice. The Bible says, “God is not a God of disorder but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33a NIV). He is not the author of confusion. So if you’re feeling confused, guess what? It’s not God’s voice speaking in your life. If you’re a parent, do you want your kids to feel pressure or confused when you ask them to do something? No. You want them to understand what to do and then respond in obedience. God the Father wants the same thing for and from us. The only time pressure could be legitimate is if God’s told you to do something, and you keep saying “n
Read more

Why Nagging Never Works

Image
Have you noticed how many difficult people there are in the world? Do you feel like you have to deal with most of them some days? You know what rude acts bug me the most? People who call me and then say, “Who is this?” People who honk their horns in traffic jams. People who cheat in the 10-items-or-less grocery line. People who steal your parking spot. The list goes on, and I’m sure you can relate. So, how should we respond in love to difficult people? Proverbs 16:21 says, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” (TEV). The more pleasant you are, the more persuasive you are. And, you’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive. Nagging doesn’t work. The way you say something determines the way it’s received. If you say something offensively, it’s going to be received defensively. That’s why love is all about your words. Love is truthful, but it is also tactful. Tact and tone always go together. It matters
Read more

Go on Mission Together

Image
“Pray for us that God will give us an opportunity to tell people His message.”   (Colossians 4:3 NCV) You were made for a mission. God wants you to share His love with other people — your friends, family, and the people you work with — who are not in His family. Why does He want you to do that? Because God wants everybody in His family. God has never made a person He didn’t love and have a purpose for. God has never made a person that Jesus Christ didn’t die for. So God wants us to share that Good News. But you’re not alone! God wants you to go on mission with other people. Philippians 1:27 says,  “You are standing side by side with one strong purpose — to tell the Good News”   (TLB). How do you share with your friends that God loves them? And how do you do it in partnership with other people? You do it through your small group. First, you pray together. You ask your small group to pray for your friends who don’t have a relationship with God. You can’t for
Read more